November 30, 2011

The Lover's Eyes

I only see the eyes of people whom I speak with. I even did not realize they may have acnes, spots, and other kind of ‘signature’ on their faces for quite a long time. One of my very ridiculous experience is I never realize my best friend has a mole on her cheek for three years of friendship! :D Well, this one is really extreme (---/|\---’) Gomenasai.. Yet still for me, the eyes are what matters most when we look at other people. You can understand what one’s saying even when there are now words spoken from his mouth.You can tell a bit of how they feel, mood, honesty, sincerity, and so on through its sparks J It is not a myth to say that the eyes are the window to the heart. And the beauty of the heart is one the eyes of the beholder J

The eyes of a lover are the warmest one. It brings you comfort in a cloudy day, a rainbow in a rainy day. When two people in love with each other, sometimes you just can spend time gazing to each other. It creates a peace within believing that you are accepted and you can always rely on them. Yet the question is, how long will it last? I have seen old couple who even stare at their spouse plainly. They can even be more friendly to a stranger rather than his soulmate who has accompanied him through thick and thin! Or worse ... it seems that what used to be a lover turns out to be enemy. And these kind of couple are not just a few ... they are so many of them. Does it really how it should be? The feelings will fleet away through time and then left two people sleep in one bed yet their hearts so far away?

Often what happens to the majority can defeat our hope. On the opposite, we should think that there must be something wrong in what they do until the whole community falls apart. We can see there will be a pattern that we need to do and resist to do. There must be certain words that we have to say and never to say. Yes, we can make a different choice, an unpopular path, but in the end leads to life. Just like a flame needs to be protected from the wind, the spark of the eyes need to be guarded so that it will not fade as the time goes by. Just like a fire needs to be added coal so that they can keep burning, so does the relationship needs spices that will be poured out daily, endlessly in order to keep it vibrant.

If love is a flower, it takes the sun, water, air, fertile soil, and fertilizer to grow well. The sun is faithfulness. It is the one who causes you to stick no matter what happens. Faithfulness knows no situation and no other options. It even cannot think for the possibility of seeking the ‘alternatives’. It accepts what they have completely along with their flaws. It seems so binding, isn’t it? That is why it is much better to select your partner very very carefully. If there is something in him or her that is unacceptable for you, just leave it. We study for about 18 years until we attain our Bachelor degree. Yet we only study someone for more or less three months to bring it into romantic phase. No wonder in the middle of the relationships there are many things that we ‘have just discovered’. We often think when we have been together sometime and find out that we’re not compatible we can break up then find someone new. Yet breaking up a relationship costs your heart. And we do not want that. It is wiser to prolong a genuine friendship without romantic attention until the readiness to be committed to each other is being formed J

Jabrik and I hardly can be said that we begin with a pure friendship since there was attraction within :p Yet thankfully that it is kind of a ‘long-distance’ relationship between Puri and Serpong :D so that we can still try to know one another in non-romantic manner. I’d always like to support him to grow in Christ and I do not put much hope to bring it further to a romantic one (I thought he considers me as merely good friend haha:D) Sometimes a slow process builts a stronger foundation. Do you remember when there was no telephone yet? Lovers at that moment send letter to one another. One letter can be received at least once a week, sometimes it can be in months. Yet lovers keep waiting patiently and nurturing their relationship regardless of their distance and time. At that time, they know no divorce. They only know love is for ever after. Technology often robs us from the beauty of real love. Because we can communicate fast now, we often do not appreciate the importance of it. Maybe it is wiser to be a little bit ‘ancient’ and treasure the relationship as much as old people do. Write letters?? Why not? It can be much more meaningful then email! Hand-writing and it lasts. You can read it over and over again J You can even let your children and grand children read it one day as a testimony of your love #heritage.

Another life-determining of the flower is the water. Most of flowers need to be watered daily. The water is the intimate communication between the two of you. Not merely just a simple and meaningless communication, but the intimate ones which is done in private. No outsiders allowed. I remember there is one couple whom I really admire for their dedication to preserve the time for them to just sit and talk. An hour or more daily. During that time, their cellphones should be turned off, no facebook-ing, no watching TV, and so on. They protect that quality time with such an effort and consistently doing that with such a great discipline. And the results is very rewarding J Their relationship is the one who can make every couple envy. The husband has only one dream: to be the best husband and the best daddy in the world. The woman aims to be the best wife and best mother in the world. Woww.. if it trully becomes what matter the most in their life, no wonder they prioritize their relationship above all else besides God. A strong common dream is a strong bond. You can tell there is nothing they cannot achieve as a partner when they have strong and vibrant relationship ... simply because they watered them daily.
Jabrik is not a man of ‘many’ words :p That’s kinda hinder me when we met for the first time after 9 months ‘long-distance’. Just like a baby ready to be born at that period :p hahaha.. At first, I can’t stop thinking, “Why is he so quiet?” Yet I am grateful now that he puts effort to talk more #hugs. For sure he will not be as talkative as the one who keeps talking when they were born :D Yet as he keeps sharing me his life, what he feels at that moment is kind of enough for me J Too talkative will be noisy, but talk at a just-right intensity will be awesome J It is not about the words count, it is about the quality of the words. Gossipers talk much, but they don’t have quality on it. You know the words are in great quality when it gives added value to your intimacy and growing each individuals involved.

There is none that can refresh one’s soul than forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness is the air that can relieve and set you free. One of the biggest root of any conflict is because we forget how to forgive. Unforgiveness gives birth to bitterness. And when our hearts has turned bitter, the spark in your eyes will be gone, and the flower of love withers. Maybe that is why marriage is the greatest school of character ever. It is the one who presses us to keep forgiving relentlessy. No body will be happy when they hold their anger and treat their spouse like a stranger or enemy. Yet most of the people choose to hold tightly to the wounds our spouse had made and never want to release forgiveness. Sometimes it is not because of our spouse that the flower withers... It is because of us too. They can trample the flower, but we can nurture it. It is up to us too. I never want to sleep angrily and bring along the past conflicts until tomorrow. It is better to settle one conflict right at that time and live in peace tomorrow. Surely it’s not easy. Yet it is worth it. No conflict is worth in comparison of our harmony.

What about the fertile soil? It is your commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. You can ‘plant’ your flower of love anywhere you want, yet only in commitment to the same Lord it can grow hundred folds. No foundation is greater than the One who has laid it by the cost of His life for our sake. When two people are genuinely in love and commited to Jesus, you can guarantee that their love will always become a glimpse of heaven on earth. They will be a walking blessing in wherever they go. And through their strong love, the world will see how great their God is. As John 13:35 says, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another
If my ‘temporary’ separation with Jabrik now bring us to the place of this fertile soil, I can rest on assurance that God will prepare us for the greater days to come. If it takes some time to build this fertile soil, it will be worth the wait. This is my consolation. God has said to me recently,
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcomed the world. The joy in Me is your strength. As your eyes and hearts turned to me, all is well. Rest on Me. Abide in Me. That is your only work you have to do. I will open the way in My time. Nothing is impossible for me. You are my beloved daughter. I always keep watching over you and protecting you.. You are under the care of Me. Nothing in this world can ever harm you. Do you believe in this? Don’t let your hearts be troubled, don’t be afraid. Trust and obey. The rest is My part. So that the world may know and glorify Me. I will fight for Your sake. I know the beginning and the ending. I hold your future in My hands. And the end of all of these is victory. You are a victor, not a victim. You can love others as I have loved you. I will pour out my overwhelming love to the world. They will see, you will see, that I am your living God. Keep persevering, keep being faithful. I always have you on my mind.”
I miss Jabrik so much but God takes care of him as always. And one day we will meet again for sure J

Last but not least, the fertilizer to the flower is our honesty to each other. Honesty breeds trust. Some may argue that they need to keep their privacy to be unknown to their partner. Some may hide their accounts, hide their ‘friendship’ with opposite sex, hide their activities, and so on. I always see a secret like a crack in a water-pipe. Sooner or later it will blow up the whole pipe. The more secrets are hidden, the greater the water pressure in a pipe will be. Why do we need to hide something if it is not wrong? (read: right or wrong is based on Biblical standard, not oursJ) Why privacy matter that much if can only decrease the trust level of our mate? Many things that we do in secret increases our adrenaline and our satisfaction, yet most of them may evaporates in just a moment. The consequences will be eternal. Again.. there is no thing that is worth in comparisson to the harmony of your home. No amount of ‘lost money’, no amount of time dedicated to peers, no amount of ‘carreer opportunity’, even no amount of ‘ministry’. Even good things can be bad when they are in a wrong priority. Moreover bad things just like a secret has no good to be kept from our spouse. Our mate should be our best friend who knows your longing, fear, and needs first before others. Keep third party in distance and have a transparent relationship.
I realize that I am not in a position as a married woman who can share all the ‘marriage nuggets’ for you. These are principles that I am determined to guard and do so forth. I believe that those who nurtures their flower of love well daily will not lose the spark and the warmth on their eyes. Their love will keep blossoming as the time goes by. Their eyes will reflect the happiness and fulfillment of their relationship. And that is what we all want, isn’t it? Do not wait until the spark dies.. Nurture it with such a immense intensity, a great love, at no matter how high the cost is. Nothing is ever be more worth it then the lover’s eyes that keep shining until the day it closes for the last time.
Dear Jabrik, I can tell how much you love me through the way you see me. Let’s keep the spark on our eyes never fade away J I love you as always ... Be more chubby at the time we meet ;P

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